motherless mother – NourishingWhole

What We Did: Nov 1-6th

It is November! Where we used to live that meant heavy coats, cold rain, and possibly a snow flurry. Now, in Texas, we are enjoying cooler temperatures and sudden thunderstorms.

Our week started out with me finally giving in and getting into the doctor about my allergies. I usually have been able to just live through the week or two of cold like symptoms. Now, in Texas, everything is bigger, and that means allergies are bigger too. Doctor prescribed me some steroids and 90% of my symptoms are gone. I have now joined the throng of seasonal allergy sufferers.

The next day, I was back at the doctor’s office, but this time with Mr. Z. He is a pretty good kid, and rarely gets so sick I have no idea what to do. It also one of those times where I just freak out, I can’t call my mom to be reassured, and I personally feel weird calling other “mother” type figures in my life with questions. I tried to wait it out, but I called the office to see what they would suggest and they asked me to bring him in.

Now, when you bring your sick kid to the office, I feel like magically they resolve every single symptom and start bouncing off the wall. Well this visit was just like that. It is so frustrating to me because, now I feel like I am that over reacting helicopter parent, which I try not to be.

Anyway, so we canceled our family pictures we had scheduled for the weekend and took a nice and easy weekend. Which was good because it rained all day Saturday.

Sunday biking

Overall our week was gloomy like the fall weather, but Sunday we had a little excitement. We have started riding our bikes to church, it is about a mile away, just straight down the street. Mr. Z looks forward to it, and my hippie dippie inter-soul is happy to save the environment just a little. Well, we didn’t check the forecast before leaving, and as we walk out of church, it starts raining and thundering. So we pedal quick as we can home and luckily made it home before the downpour and the lightening and thunder. Mr. Wonderful, didn’t make out so lucky. He stays for choir practice, and we had a little miscommunication. Now I need to find a good dry cleaners.

Movie time

We also started a new Sunday activity! Popcorn and movie after church, while we wait for daddy! It was fun, and we probably ruined dinner eating popcorn right before, oh well!

Popcorn!

We also did a couple of recipe tests! One I have plan to get out before Thanksgiving.

Recipe testing

Pasta Sauce!

One of our weekly go to meals is pasta night. Which is then followed by pizza night, using leftover pasta sauce.

When we were first married, I tried to make pasta sauce “from scratch”. It was terrible. So I called my mom and got her recipe. I still couldn’t get to taste right. I gave up, and resorted to purchasing ~~overpriced cans of flavored tomato product~~ pasta sauce.

Although, I do not use this recipe, I keep it. It is just a little reminder of my mom.

One day a came across a recipe that said it was guaranteed to produce the perfect sauce every time. I tried it, it was so crazy simple, and we liked it! Of course after trying I had to tweek it, and make it our own. Now, I think it is way better, and still crazy easy.

We love the sauce: plain, with meat balls, with homemade pork Italian sausage, on pizza, to dip for Pao Bread, over pasta, over zoodles, over carrot noodles, you get the point, it is the best all-purpose pasta sauce.

pasta-1

This sauce makes a big batch, about enough for the month, like I said we have it weekly. I like to do it in the crock pot, and my small one (4 quart) is the perfect size for it. The sauce freezes perfectly, and will last “indefinitely” according to the USDA. Be ware that the longer you store it the quality will go down. ALWAYS, always follow good food safety guidelines. The USDA has a great resource here.

There are two ways you can make this, on the stove (quicker, but it will need more attention) or in a crock-pot (dump and go, it’s a no brainer). If we don’t count individual cans, this recipe has a 10 ingredients. Gather them up and a can opener, cause it is Pasta Night!

pasta-two

You will need two onions, extra virgin olive oil, garlic, salt, cracked black pepper, 4-14 oz cans of diced tomatoes (or two 28 oz cans), one 28 oz can crushed tomatoes or tomato puree (not sauce), 12 oz tomato paste, Italian seasoning, and fresh basil (or dry).

ingredients-pasta-sauce

Turn your crock pot onto low, and add a good layer of EVOO to the bottom (about 1/4 cup). Slice up your onions, now they don’t need to be sliced pretty or even, and throw that in. Add the garlic, about 2 tablespoons, maybe 3 whole cloves. I stopped buying whole garlic, cause I can’t stand the smell on my hands for the whole day, so I get the jar of minced garlic. Add the rest of the spices, a generous mounded tablespoon of sea salt, a mounded teaspoon of cracked pepper (not ground black pepper), 2 teaspoons Italian seasoning, and 12 fresh leaves of basil, or about 1 teaspoon dry basil. Give it all a stir and add the cans of diced tomatoes, tomato puree and tomato paste.

Let this cook for about 6 hours, stirring occasionally if you are home. I like to crack the lid of the crock-pot about halfway through so some of the liquid will evaporate off.

crack-the-lid

This will give you a chunky sauce or you can puree it all up with a stick blender or in a blender. Be careful, the sauce will be HOT! We tend to like it thick, so I puree it and the simmer it a little longer on high with the lid cracked.

Freeze extra in quart size zipper bags. Lay them flat in the freezer and they will defrost quickly! I put about 2.5 cups of sauce in a bag to freeze and get about 4 bags of sauce.

Simple Pasta Sauce

Prep time

10 mins

Cook time

6 hours

Total time

6 hours 10 mins

This is a simple, no fuss pasta sauce that is sure to become your go to for pasta night.

Ashley Teare: Ashley Teare

Recipe type: Sauce

Cuisine: Italian

Serves: 10 cups

Ingredients

2 small onions, sliced
¼ c extra virgin olive oil
3 cloves garlic, minced or whole
1 heaping Tablespoon salt
1 heaping teaspoon cracked black pepper
2 tsp Italian seasoning
12 leaves fresh basil (or dry about 1 tsp)
4-14 oz cans of diced tomatoes (or two 28 oz cans)
1-28 oz can crushed tomatoes or tomato puree (not sauce)
12 oz tomato paste

Directions

Turn your crock pot onto low, and add a good layer of EVOO to the bottom (about ¼ cup).
Add in the onions, garlic, and spices.
Stir and add the remain cans of tomatoes and tomato paste.
Cook for about 6 hours, stirring occasionally.
If you like a chunky sauce serve as is.
For a uniform texture, you can puree it all up with a stick blender or in a blender. Be careful, the sauce will be HOT!

Notes

For stove top:

Add the EVOO and heat until shimmery, add the onions and cook until translucent.
Add the garlic and spices and stir until fragrant, add in the tomatoes and tomato paste. *add in the fresh basil after the tomatoes*
Simmer on low for about an hour.

Don’t Cry Over… Potato Salad

On Friday, our church had a “get to know you” activity for the congregation. We live in a congregation heavily populated by college students. We are new, and here for school, so it was fun evening, plus I didn’t have to cook!

We were asked to bring a side dish, salad, or a dessert for the BBQ provided by the church. I signed up to bring a potato salad: simple, cheap, easy, and my favorite BBQ side. The only problem, I couldn’t remember my mom’s recipe, and that is what I really wanted. My Mother’s potato salad.

When, I couldn’t remember the recipe, I picked up my phone and started to call my mom. That is when it hit me. It’s been just over 4 years, and it doesn’t get any easier. The last few months there has been many times I have want to call, but couldn’t. This time was different. Knowledge, I needed from her, was completely inaccessible.

After pulling myself back together, I texted my two sister’s. Surely, one of them would remember, or at least we could remember enough together to figure it out. My younger sister told me to just go to the store, cause she doesn’t know. The other, told me that I was just missing mayo and mustard.

But when I had it all made, it was just missing something.

It is moments like that, that just make me realize I need to be writing down my recipes and the other things that we do. I hope that for someone, it either helps them find a new food or helps them to grieve a loss too.

I am hurting too

Checking email is a part of a normal morning routine. Collapsing on the kitchen floor into an emotional mess, is not.

At my age, news of parents passing should not be something I should be dealing with. Death is something my group of girl friends from high school is becoming undesirably familiar with.

We have had grandparents pass.
Parents.
And a child.

Death is a part of life. But is doesn’t make it easier.

The sudden loss of a parent comes with an indescribable pain. It pierces your soul. It rips your heart apart and your soul comes screaming out with a force so strong your body just fails.

You start thinking about every minor detail of your life that you haven’t told them. For me, it wasn’t just minor details. Maybe that makes it harder.

Picking up the pieces, finding the will to just go, becomes a primal instinct, a flight or fight response.

My mom died 3 years ago. I was 10 weeks pregnant. I was waiting to tell her in person. The plan was to drive over for a surprise visit and tell her in person on Saturday. She died 6 days before.

This is different, they had a little bit of warning, but that doesn’t help the grieving process.

Grief of a parent is life long.

When something good happens, it is there.
When your child does something funny, sweet, milestones, birthdays.
When your child is misbehaving
When you’re at church
When your friend tells you that their mom is gone too.

I know that this weekend, isn’t about me and my grief. It isn’t about me and my missed opportunities. It is about Merri, and her grief. Her missed opportunities.

But I will be hurting too.

But Mommy’s Aren’t Supposed to go Away.

Mr. Z hasn’t been feeling well the last couple of days, and so along with lots of snuggles, naps, and chocolate, there has been a lot of TV time.

One movie he keeps requesting has been “Radar the Police Car” or as it is actually titled, Bold Eagles. It is a cute little animated movie about a nature preserve in Norway, called Eagle Park. Some poachers come in and start taking the animals. They take the Mommy Eagle, before her egg can hatch. Radar, starts to care for the eaglet, and the eaglet, Scruffy, starts calling Radar mommy.

At the end, Radar is telling Scruffy, that the Eagle is his REAL mommy. To which the eaglet replies, “But mommies aren’t supposed to go away.”

I don’t know how many times in the last 3 three years, I have personally said that.

In casual conversation, people will sometimes say things like, “My mom, is going to outlive me.” or “Mother’s can’t die.”

I know they mean well, and I don’t walk around with a sign that says, don’t talk about mothers not dying, mine is dead.

But today I heard that line, I just just wanted to turn into a puddle.

But mommies aren’t supposed to go away.

My mother wasn’t the picture perfect mother, and most of the time I have to think really hard to remember the good. But she is my mine. While she might not be here today, and I can’t just call her whenever I have a question. I still feel her presence.

When loved ones pass before us, do they really leave us?

Personally, I don’t think so.

So even though, physically my mom is not here, I think she is still around, smiling and laughing with right along side us.

Mr. Z kissing grandma Nancy, April 30, 2015, her 60th birthday.